He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
