The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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