Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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