Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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