Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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