Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
