there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you would pick up someone in the library
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
