Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
