Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
