True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
