Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she peed on how many people?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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