Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
