It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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