i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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