Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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