since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
false alarm, still single
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
