i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
