P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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