I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
