I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
