Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
