So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
