Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
