What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
