New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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