Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize