Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
