man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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