I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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