Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He shit in the fireplace
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
