If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
