Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
