My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
