Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
