We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
