Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
not ubering you a puppy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we're so committed to being not committed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
