omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
