just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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