Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
