remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
