Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
