Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize