Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
