You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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