it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
