You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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