I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wow bdsm is so cute
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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