I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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