We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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