I must be too annoying 4 u.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
two words: eviction party
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
