I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
