So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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