I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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