he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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