I'm so fucking centered right now
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
