I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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