Fuck appropriateness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
