someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
