it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
