It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
