spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize