I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
