Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
