y did u give ur computer a hand job?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
