I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
