i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize