I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
