she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
operation have a gay friend backfired
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize