you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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