Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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