like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
